 A recent research study has shown those men and
women who engage in sexual activity throughout their life span are living longer, happier
and more productive lives. Having been in the field of human sexuality for well over 25
years, I wrote about this many years ago. However, people past childbearing age are many
times unwilling to listen to any discussion about sex. Mostly this was due to a silent
conspiracy of not even mentioning that "dirty" word "SEX," causing the
erroneous belief that sex drive, interest, and ability diminished with age, and sex was
only for the young. Not realizing that this was a myth, many males believed they were over
the hill and their sex lives were over when their erection was not always as they
expected. Now with the advent of Viagra, Lorena Bobitt’s cutting off her
husband’s penis, and the media’s romp with the President’s sex life,
talking about sex has become more acceptable and legitimate for most people. In fact,
since Viagra has been on the market, it is amazing to see how many men and women have
suddenly shown interest in revitalizing their sex lives. However, talking and doing are
two different things.
Love, sex and intimacy form the basis for our closest
relationships. A satisfying sex life can enhance both emotional and physical well-being by
bringing about life-giving energy through relaxation, comfort and validation. Pleasurable
sexuality actually recharges our batteries, so to speak. In addition, arousal creates
cortisone and estrogen from the adrenal glands, which are a great enhancement and benefit
to one’s system. Believe it or not, pleasurable lovemaking can boost your immunity by
increasing the number of antibodies in your bloodstream. It can reduce unhealthy stress by
relaxing, and allowing oneself to be in a state of abandonment and fantasy. Conversely,
performance anxiety can create stress and lower testosterone levels. Even the old excuse
of not having sex because, "I have a headache" can be turned around by having
good sex which can relieve pain, including headaches. This is probably due to the
brain’s release of endorphins; the body’s natural painkiller. The moderate
exercise associated with sexuality stimulates circulation, and the feelings derived affirm
the undeniable fact that one is a viable human being capable of enjoying sensual and
sexual pleasure. Even without a partner, the ability to give oneself pleasure not only
illustrates self-acceptance and self-love, but similar positive effects can be attained.Top of next column  |
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It is so important for people to realize that sex is not just
intercourse. Even with Viagra, sexual desire and foreplay is very important, because
without erotic stimulation the effects of Viagra won’t work. I’ve heard so many
complaints from women that their partners don’t engage in much foreplay. Women
initially need to be emotionally and physically "warmed up" and in actuality so
do men. But because men become aroused faster than women, and have been conditioned to
think of sex as intercourse, they often don’t want to take too much time for kissing,
touching and caressing. How much foreplay is enough, is only determined by the couple
involved. Many people do not seem to think of "foreplay" as sex, which it
certainly is. The word itself is misleading because it implies what is to be done before
sex. However, the inaccurate term "foreplay" can be the entire sex act in
itself.
As people get older, traditional male and female sex roles
are often reversed. The woman may become more assertive and comfortable with initiating
sex and men may become more nurturing and want to touch and caress more. The important
thing for both is to be playful, have fun, kiss a lot and be sure to communicate.
We have all been given the gift of sexuality that starts in
the womb and continues throughout the life span. Without realizing it, we think of sex
hundreds of times a day, consciously or subconsciously, during our waking and sleeping
hours. Art, literature, media, music, advertising, clothing, grooming, foods, smells,
sounds, and almost everything you can think of have enhanced our erotic senses. We can
celebrate it, and it becomes the highest point of ecstasy in our lives. But it has also
been abused by lack of knowledge, misconceptions, power trips, myths, taboos, attitudes,
controversies, politics, religion, negative sexual imprinting, and almost everything else
that comes to mind. If it is abused, it can become the lowest point of despair in
one’s life. You have the choice! LVN
Dr. Zorn is a Diplomate of the American
Board of Sexology. |
